I heard of Montessori years before I became a parent, but I thought it was strictly a school type of curriculum. When I did become a parent 8 years ago, I remembered Montessori, but since I thought it was only about schooling, I put it on a shelf until my oldest was around 3. Then I started to look more into it, but the cost of the private Montessori schools were out of our budget. Being a mostly stay at home mom means there are financial sacrifices and that was one of them. I decided it was my job to educate my kids since I was home with them. That’s when I started to put more of an effort into learning about preschool curriculum and how I could implement it in my own house without breaking the bank. Again Montessori was intimidating to me and I didn’t see as much online and social media as we do now. It wasn’t until Simone Davis’ book, The Montessori Toddler, came out when I realized just how wrong I was about the whole Montessori world. It was more of a lifestyle versus the perfect looking toy shelves and expensive schools. It was something every parent could implement in their own way within their own budget. That is when I slowly started to incorporate the main principals into our home. I still do feel extremely guilty I didn’t start at the very beginning with my older two girls, but I know now and try to do whatever I can with the information I currently have. I wish I could go back in time and change some things and even wish I put different things on my baby registry, but learning from our experiences is what makes us who we are. There were things I was doing that was considered Montessori without me even realizing it. We always allowed our kids to pick their own clothing and I would only put seasonally appropriate items in their drawers. We always got them involved in cooking with us and when my oldest was 2, my husband even created a learning tower. I let them help with some of the daily chores, like switching over the laundry, sweeping, etc. They never watched TV before the age of 2 and I tried to limit it when I could. All was not lost, but I am continuing to learn and do better as a parent everyday. The Montessori simplicity and calmness of home life is what attracted me the most. Naturally I am not a calm person, definitely a type A personality. Having 4 kids so close in age has taught me so much about who I am as a person and what my triggers can be. I have made great progress as a person and have more patience than I ever did, but there is always room for improvement. We started our version of Montessori very slowly so I wouldn’t feel overwhelmed during an already overwhelming time in my life.
The discipline aspect has been one of the hardest because not everyone understands it. It can seem like we are letting our kids get away with more when we don’t send them to “time outs” or when we let them feel their feelings. Most generations were raised in a very different way and it can be challenging to get everyone on board with the gentler methods. As soon as I learned about treating your kids with respect and guide them through life rather than dictate what they should be doing, it really resonated with me. The Montessori approach looks at disciplining a child as building a strong foundation rather than getting immediate gratification with threats and bribes.
The toy rotation and minimalized shelves in our playroom has helped us all (especially me) feel more calm. Overly cluttered homes can cause stress and I certainly feel it the most. It is a work in progress due to the amount of stuff a family of 6 can have. It can be a huge challenge in an over consumerism world. Setting up our playroom shelves with an individual activity in each cubby has helped our children actually play with their toys rather than being overwhelmed by the amount of toys. Montessori says to follow the child and set up their shelving based on interest and skills they are working on. It can change every few weeks or some toys will stay out for years at a time. I always buy open ended toys, such as magnatiles since they have been used by all of the ages of my kids and they continue to build different things almost everyday. I stay away from battery powered toys that take away the imagination of the child and do everything for them. I also try to stick with more wooden and natural materials whenever possible. Rotating out the toys that aren’t being used anymore allows things to stay fresh and keeps my kids engaged. I secretly love setting up my kids playroom and enjoy watching them master a new skill with the materials I put out. In the words of Montessori herself, “Play is the work of the child.” and I couldn’t agree more.
Practical life is another big Montessori concept, which is getting your children involved in everyday life and giving them opportunities to foster their independence. We haven’t gone to the extreme with this concept as you might see on Instagram. If I started using the Montessori concepts as soon as my oldest was born, than maybe things would be a little different in our home. While we don’t have a small pitcher of water at their height for them to fill water on their own, we use stools so they can reach the fridge water. My husband and I try to get the kids involved in cooking whenever possible and I purchased child apprpraite knives and peelers. They are great at cutting some of the softer fruit and veggies. This also teaches them the importance of family dinners and healthy foods. I don’t require my kids to do daily chores, but I do have them take responsibility for their own things. I am teaching my older girls to get everything out of their backpacks at the end of the school day and put the dirty lunch box on the counter, school papers in the IN BOX, etc. I have created small posters with reminders so hopefully it will become a habit someday. My kids also need to bring their dirty plates to the sink when they are finished eating. We try to do a 10 minute tidy at the end of the day before we go upstairs for the night. I try to make this fun by putting on music and setting a timer on my phone. I usually assign a kid to a certain task, such as can you please clean up all of the blocks and I will take care of the dolls. I also get them involved in household contributions with a jar full of age appropriate chores. I am trying to establish a weekly routine on the weekends when the kids will pick from our “household contributions” jar. It is filled with several different colored popsicle sticks with simple tasks I know each kid can do. Usually I need to help my youngest with hers. Things such as wiping down the chairs or cabinets. My goal is do have them pick a contribution stick every Saturday and complete it by the end of the weekend. We are still working on making this happen every week, but it teaches them responsibility and helps them understand they are part of a family unit. These small things really help me out and teach them how important it is to contribute to our house. I am not strict about it since they are in school full time. I do not want it to be an added stressor, but I do think they need to learn how to take care of themselves as well as their space.
I have also added a few easy modifications to our home to make things easier for my younger children to reach. I used command strips to hang a smaller mirror I already owned in our bathroom so the kids can see themselves while getting ready. I also used a few things from the dollar store, like a wire basket and two small command hooks to hold a hair brush.
I installed tension rods in each closet at their level so they can reach some of their hangable items. I only put out weather appropriate clothing in their drawers and try to reduce the amount of options when I can. This allows them to pick their own clothing and express themselves however they want. Giving them the freedom to do this has helped with meltdowns and foster independence.
We try to use real cups and plates when possible. I have upcycled baby food jars and turned them into drinking cups for my kids. Everything is in a drawer at their level to make it easier for them to grab what they need and to help us set the tables as well as put things back after everything is clean. Toddlers love to help so I give them easy and safe jobs such as putting away their plates and bowls from the clean dishwasher. My daughter loves to help switch the laundry too. She can not reach out top loader machine so I will pass her the wet clothes for her to transfer to the dryer. I also lift her up to press the buttons to turn it on. Small everyday tasks us adults find boring, little children love. They can learn and absorb so much from the day to day tasks.
I do my best to incorporate some true Montessori learning materials when possible. Since I am not a trained guide, I tend to do my research online how I can incorporate the learning tools. I tend to add my own spin to things and let my kids lead the way. Since my school aged children are in elementary school full time, this is just used for fun or to supplement what they are currently learning. I do not want to confuse them, but rather teach them other ways to learn the concepts.
Montessori started out as a concept I was really drawn to and has evolved alongside my motherhood journey. While I do not follow the true Montessori lifestyle, I do incorporate the basic principles and am so grateful as I continue to learn more about this style of parenting. Parenting can be very challenging, so finding new ways to help guide my children has greatly helped me fully enjoy the journey.
